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Welcome to "Hyde" the Darker Side >> Text Jokes >> Sports Humour >> Man U Maths
Todays smile is courtesy of Colin C.
This has been introduced as part of the Government's maths campaign.
1. ACCELERATION. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Gary
is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21 mph and Gary can run at 16mph, who will
be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face first,
assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.
2. TELLING THE TIME. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for
substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will the referee
add on if Man Utd are losing at home?
3. PROBABILITY (1). Paul Scholes is an Englishman. Express, as a percentage, the
number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the
miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.
4. SUBTRACTION (1). Manchester United are one of the giants of world club
football. How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua
Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)
5. SUBTRACTION (2). How many more times have Man Utd won the European Cup than
Nottingham Forest?
6. DISTANCE. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting
defender does a tumbling Ruud van Nistelrooy have to be to earn a penalty if he
goes down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)
7. PROBABILITY (2). Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old
Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents
of Man Utd being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty
awarded to Man Utd would be awarded to their opponents in identical
circumstances.
8. BASIC ACCOUNTING (1). Mark The Red lives in Guildford... How much does it
cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other
weekend, including limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and a prawn
sandwich all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team
instead? (Note; round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds.)
9. BASIC ACCOUNTING (2). Alex had a hotel room booked in Cardiff for the FA Cup
Final every year since 2000. How much money did he lose when cancelling his
reservation?
10. WEIGHT AND PRESSURE. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much
pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponent's penalty area?
(Note; Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as However
much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees are accepted.)
11. MONEY. Juan was a lazy boy and often went missing. Alex was very cross and
wanted to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex sold
him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?
12. POULTRY FARMING. What is the total number of chickens counted before they
were hatched by Man Utd and their fans who thought Fulham and Wolves games were
a pushover?
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