Meeting Challenges

Todays smile is courtesy of Colin C.

Bored during meetings?

Why not try some of these neat little exercises. Not only will it make meetings more interesting but your fellow work mates will become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful distance.

During a meeting:

Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper: 'can you feel it?' from the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute half a biscuit to each of the attendees.

Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as: 'I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!'.

Write the words 'he fancies you' on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen.

Respond to a serious question with: 'I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast'.

Use Nam style jargon such as 'what's the ETA?', 'who's on recon?' and 'Charlie don't surf'.

Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves re-arrange the figures accordingly.

Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs then avoid sitting on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp.

Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you 'love this dirty town'.

Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for 1 minute.

Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.

Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth.

Hum 'We'll meet again' throughout.

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.

Drop meaningless & confusing management speak into conversations such as: - 'what's the margin, marvin?' - 'When's this turkey going to get basted?' - 'If we don't get this brook babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed labradors'.

Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.

Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that read: My secret agenda:

1. Trample the weak.
2. Triumph alone.
3. Invade Poland.

Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.

When referring to someone in the room always call them your 'honey'.

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject shout 'I AM NOT FINISHED'.