Ducking and Diving

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

"I see your eyes are working" replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working" says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly," says the landlord, "Sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What brings you here?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck.

This continues for two weeks.

Then one day a circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your show, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"

" Sounds marvellous" says the ringmaster, "Get him to give me a call."

So the very next day the duck comes into the pub.

The landlord says, "Hey Mr Duck. Have I got a job that's right up your street, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the landlord.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right" replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the landlord.

The duck looks very confused.

"What the f**k do they want with a plasterer?"